|Wales Dorset Bournemouth|
This was a much anticipated tour: the first for two years, and one in which we were in the happy position of being awash with young testosterone-driven stallions keen to show off their talents in cricket and night clubs alike. Two of the aforementioned, Joe and Matt E, set off early on the Friday, opting to take in a country pub in the New Forest. Edward, Paul, Phil, Jim, Richard, Matt B and Honse set out from Twineham at lunchtime, Dave and Steve from Brighton. It was a lovely warm day and a pleasant two hour trip along the coast brought us to our destination: Bournemouth’s West Cliff hotel, in the heart of the town’s vibrant kebab district. The rooms were a tribute to the deceptive powers of wide angle photography, but this was a cricket tour and we didn’t need to swing any cats.A worried tour camp looking on as no runs are being scored
Within minutes of arrival, we gathered on the patio in warm sunshine and in the manner of a 1970s swingers party, the skipper threw the captaincy into a pot, inviting offers for that evening’s action. Three put their names forward: Matt Brock’s name was first out – but the smile left his face when he was told the winner was the last one to be drawn. Joe, too, was disappointed but Matt Edwards` face flushed with delight as the power surge took hold. Seconds later he dismissed the option of pulling the batting order out of a hat as per the last tour. No, skipper Edwards would do things his way and much credit to him for that.
We departed for the village of Puddletown in good time for a 6pm start for our 20/20 fixture. It was a pretty ground deep in Dorset’s most historical region, with an artificial pitch similar to our own. It was a beautiful summer’s evening. Matt lost his first toss as Skip and we were put into bat, an exciting-looking combination of Steve and Jim opening up. Well, when we say opening up, we mean opening – because, after 4 overs, we were on 6 - including 4 extras. Our WASP was 30.
However Jim then started a remarkable series of fours which pushed the score on considerably. Steve was caught hitting out to mid-wicket for 1 which brought in our new skipper. His first ball was a wide. His next ball was also a wide. However his next ball – and his first legal one – he politely returned to the bowler for a caught-and-bowled and the tour’s first golden duck. At least Edward faced a legal ball as well as two wides before he swept it round into the arms of a grateful backward square leg for 0. We were 31-3 from 8 overs. However, Jim just kept on swatting the fours, the backbone of the innings, and celebrated an excellent and crucial 50. Dave was run out for 3 and a short time later Jim was caught for 60. 87-5. But the team rallied and from there on, all the batsmen added a few to keep the score ticking over and we finished on a creditable, and defendable, 128-9.
The ins and outs of village cricket - Edward worrying about whether Wetherspoons would still be open...
Leading his team onto the field, the skipper listened carefully to advice from various sources – principally Phil and Edward - and opened with...Phil and Edward. An inspired choice: both bowled accurately and tightly and they took 3 wickets in the first 5 overs with the score still not on 20- 2 good catches by the skipper and one from Jim. Edward snapped up his third wicket clean bowled and Jim and Joe took over and continued in similarly miserly vein. Puddletown dug in and started to rebuild, slowly but steadily. The next bowling change was to turn the match decisively TWCC’s way. Two wickets from Paul Chatfield’s first excellent over, clean bowling their top scorer A Knight, the other caught by Jim who was having a great match. Matt Brock picked up a wicket courtesy of a good catch - the skipper’s third – and then Chatters got another wicket first ball of his second over, a catch by his bowling partner. The next batsman, C Ascott, punched a catch to Dave Rogers at square leg – but it pinged off his pecs. Paul’s response was to clean bowl him with his last ball for a fantastic four wicket haul. The skipper and Honse bowled out the remaining overs and Puddletown fell well short on 94-9. A win for TWCC in their first match on tour and for Matt Edwards in his first match as skipper.
TWCC VS PUDDLETOWN 3rd July 2015 20:20 format
PUDDLETOWN WON THE TOSS AND OPTED TO BOWL
TWCC Innings: S Rogers Ct, Bld A Knight 1; J Simon Ct, Bld L Allen 60; M Edwards Ct & Bld Y Knight 0; E Bunn Ct, Bld Y Knight 0; D Rogers Run Out 3; J Panther Ct Wkt, Bld Clark 7; P Chatfield Ct, Bld L Stevens 8; M Brock Bld Clark 1; H Karvay Bld Clark 1; P Steinke Not Out 7; R Brock Not Out 7. TOTAL 128-9 20 OVERS.
Fall: 19-1, 29-3, 31-4, 78-5, 87-2, 101-7, 113-6, 114-8, 116-9.
Puddletown Bowling - not available.
Puddletown Innings: L Allen Ct M Edwards, Bld E Bunn 5; A Stevens Ct J Simon Bld E Bunn 1; A Barrett Ct M Edwards Bld P Steinke 9; A Fairman Ct M Edwards Bld M Brock 21; J Barrett Bld E Bunn 11; A Knight Bld P Chatfield 27; L Stevens Ct J Simon Bld P Chatfield 5; A Weir Ct M Brock Bld P Chatfield 1; C Ascott Bld P Chatfield 1; Y Knight Not Out 1; C Clarke Not Out 1. TOTAL 94-9 20 OVERS.
TWCC Bowling: P Steinke 4-0-14-2; E Bunn 4-0-9-3; J Simon 4-0-32-0; J Panther 3-0-15-0; M Brock 2-0-4-1; P Chatfield 2-0-17-4; Karvay 1-0-5-0; M Edwards 1-0-4-0.
TWCC WON BY 34 RUNS
The home side took us a mile down the road to the epicentre of history: Tolpuddle, where we drank in The Martyrs pub. For those who had discussed the events, here is a brief history: 6 Tolpuddle men formed a friendly society which was judged illegal and in 1834 they were tried, found guilty and transported to Australia. The country rallied: literally – one of England’s first successful political marches and a petition of 800,000 was raised in protest. Four of the six were returned to England in 1836, one more in 1837. It was seen as the birth of the trade union movement and is celebrated worldwide. And here we were assembling – mostly legally – in a Tolpuddle pub.
Puddletown presented us with a commemorative plaque as we sampled the delicious local ale – and the boys drank lager! Fines were duly handed out: Dave Rogers was fined for dropping a catch which deprived Chatters of a possible five-fer – and Paul was fined for failing to get his five-fer. Matt Edwards was invited to take a pound from the pot for his successful captaincy – but then fined £2 for his golden duck. It’s a cruel but necessary tour tradition and few escape the sadistic reaches of the tour committee (of one... Ed.). Only Honse, Phil and the sidelined skipper were judged to have done little enough to merit any kind of mention – glorious or otherwise.
As the evening continued chatting away with the opposition, lightning flashes marked the end of a long humid day. Within minutes, great drops of rain had us scurrying inside the pub and shortly afterwards to the cars. Our thanks to our hosts who made us very welcome and ensured a great evening.
The rain got harder as we headed towards Bournemouth, and, by the time we pulled in to the hotel car park, it was torrential. A good time to stay inside in the bar. The cards came out and Steve won chase the ace as time ticked on past the midnight hour. Outside, the rain was now pouring in rivers down the road and gushing down the hotel steps, flooding the bar patio and threatening to spill over the threshold of the hotel’s reception and flood the whole place. The owner, Manz, leapt fully clothed, full-length, into the 8-inch deep flood with a long screwdriver and proceeded to unblock the drain, getting to his feet with a wide triumphant grin on his face, soaked through from head to toe. At the same time, the rain lessened and the hotel was safe. And a couple of hours later, when a few of the tourists felt the need to feed, the flood had subsided. The visit to Bournemouth’s finest kebab house – some 10 minutes away – gave an insight into the town’s visitor population: mostly young, drunk and on stag or hen weekends. Inevitably there was a queue at the kebab shop but most of us hadn’t eaten since we left Sussex so we waited, we ordered and we ate. By 3.30am we were back at the hotel and needed a long sleep on our 4-foot 6-inch long beds.
The following day we rejected our hotel’s offer of £8 for breakfast, because we saw a poster of what it included. Instead we made our way to a nearby cafe and had a meal of similar standard for £1.50 less. We headed to the golf course at Canford Magna – the River Course – destined to meet Tony and Mikey on the first tee. Buggies were booked – and it turns out these were faster than Tony’s supercharged Range Rover which hit traffic on the M3 so despite leaving at 8.30am, they were not to make it til noon. They announced their arrival with a high-fiving buggython round all the other players before Tony set about trying to convince everyone he should play off 36. Golf was a delightful course alongside the River Stour: Edward was the true shark, shiny new clubs – unusual for someone who claims not to have played for two years – and the majority of shots pinging pleasantly straight and long. However, Steve, playing with Dave in the fourth grouping, took the honours, though because of Tony’s lateness, betting was minimal and for the most part we ended up still in pocket. After a quick après-golf beer, we made our way back to the hotel.
Now, country pubs are in short supply on Bournemouth seafront. Especially country pubs which ban tattooed youths, don’t require bouncers, have a full range of real ales, flowers round the door and folk music – all of which are required on cricket tour. The boys had mentioned that there was a Wetherspoons just round from Kebab Alley so we made our way there, much to the disgust of the older tourists. The beer was cheap and reasonable, the floor was a little sticky and smelly and the clientele equally so. We stayed for just a short while, happy to see 8pm when we could go back up the hill for our curry.
We walked in to the restaurant find ourselves seated next to a stag party all dressed in Hawaiian shirts - identical to the one Phil was wearing! Phil proudly took his place at the head of their table to a round of applause from all. The staff were good fun, the poppadoms a little soft but the curry was very good and it was great to be a full tour of 13 all together watching the boys swiping their chosen night’s prey online. Even more fun when Joe connected Mikey’s profile to the local Gaydar network – the offers flooded in to relieve him of his `boy cherry`. Anyway, when we eventually worked our way through the vast numbers of Cobras ordered by Matt Brock, some headed back to the hotel – including Dave and Steve who were to take off at some frightful hour to head for the British Grand Prix - whilst the boys and a few granddad hangers-on went to a town bar: where the boys were let in and the granddads were turned away!!! We headed back to the hotel to let the boys have their fun – and in traditional WGOTSOT style – we draw the curtain on the night.
The following morning, Wetherspoons was the chosen venue for breakfast – and the planned tennis, beach cricket and beach football were all cancelled in favour of leaving early for a nice country pub in Langton Green. The pub was close to our match destination – a pretty thatched establishment in the heart of a thatched village, reached via a thatched ford. We had slipped back around 200 years. A mostly non-alcoholic lunch for an hour, and off we headed to Pimperne CC. It was reached through a modern housing estate: houses backed on to the pitch, at what looked like a safe distance. Hmm....
Skipper Brock back in charge, he agreed to the home-team’s captain Brian’s suggestion of a 40 overs match, dutifully lost the toss and Pimperne opted to bat. Their opening left-hander was a very good bat and he set about it as he meant to go on, scoring 10 from the first over from Matt E. Matt and Phil rallied, Matt Brock came on with excellent pace and troubled the batsmen but still no breakthrough, as the score swept past 100 in 16 overs. Joe Panther bowled nicely but it was the introduction of Edward’s slow but accurate bowling that got the breakthrough, tempting the left hander to come down the pitch leaving Tony to sweep off the bails. In his second over he took another, LBW; both openers gone. It has to be said some of the TWCC fielding was traditionally `tour Sunday` - overthrows slipped through, boundary pick-ups missed and occasional truculence as fielders were changed regularly to try to both stem the runs but also be in position to pick up wickets. Jim opened his spell well, a maiden and tucking up the batsmen nicely. Pimperne’s numbers 4 and 6 were striking out and putting loose balls away, taking the score past 200. Matt Edwards got his reward in his second spell with a caught and bowled, the skipper took a good catch from Edward, and Matt Brock clean bowled one and had another caught by Jim (not sure about that - Ed.). Paul and Honse had short spells but when Jim came back, changing ends to come from the pavilion end, against the wind, the tour’s champagne moment arrived. A great catch from Paul Chatfield in the deep from the penultimate ball of Jim’s penultimate over was followed by a catch behind by Tony off the next ball. The field came in for the first ball of his next over - no need – Jim clean bowled their number 9 and claimed his hat-trick. It would have been a great end to the innings, but it was not to be. In strolled Pimperne’s number 11: a bearded type, making up the numbers, ambling onto the field without even any pads! Tea beckoned. What we learned during tea was that this was the opening bat for Pimperne’s Saturday team. After a sighter, he despatched Jim for a very large 6, landing on the (fortunately strengthened) conservatory roof of the `safe distance` house beyond the car park. The next went for a shorter 6 – and Jim’s final ball of this most eventful over was an even bigger 6, smashing against the back wall of the same house, inches below the upstairs window. The innings closed, we were in no doubt that score for Pimperne of 297 would take some getting. Tea was a pleasant and ample ploughman’s style selection in a pavilion that doubled up as a nursery school classroom – interrupted only by one of their senior players telling us the affronted householder had complained and urging us not to pepper his house during our batting.
Mikey took this request to heart when he opened the batting with Matt E: refusing to send the ball over the boundary he fell to a stumping after making two singles, something of a contrast to the riches he’d been promising to deliver. Tony made a responsible 19 before being clean bowled, but Matt was playing a masterful innings, sensible running and sending bad balls to the boundary. He got his debut TWCC 50 and well-deserved it was, eventually going on to 65 before he was bowled trying to force the pace. Jim continued his excellent match with a careful 17 before hitting his own wicket and whilst not up with the rate, nor were we collapsing into oblivion. We should mention that Pimperne were not bowling as they might do during a league fixture: it was mostly spin, which was very sporting of them but difficult to get away because the balls weren’t coming onto the bat. Richard came in at 5 and will long remember his 3 fours in a row on his way to 31: but the tail failed to wag and we finished our innings on a creditable 181, losing the match by 115 runs. A good game but I feel our opponents had us where they wanted us for the majority of it.
The village’s two pubs were both newly closed, and, wishing to end our tour in traditional style, we offered our apologies to our very sporting hosts and dashed off to find a pub to down a final pint gathered altogether round a garden table. All agreed it was a great tour and great that we had a full tour party, youngsters and seniors as one. Talk turned to next year and a return to country pub accommodation, close enough to a town for the boys to get a taxi for their nights out. Oxfordshire seemed a popular choice, punting mentioned, despite our notoriety for water-based activities. Our thanks go to Steve for his brilliant work in getting the tour organised -so much to do and done so well – Steve you’re the real tour hero. Well done to all the players, some great performances on the field – Jim, Matt E, Edward, Chatters - great fun off it and simply brilliant to share a tour weekend with a wonderful group of players.
TWCC VS PIMPERNE 5th July 2015 40 overs match
PIMPERNE WON THE TOSS AND ELECTED TO BAT
Saul St T Pearce, Bld E Bunn 77; Greg LBW Bld E Bunn 32; Wiggers Ct P Chatfield Bld J Simon 7; Kev Ct R Brock Bld E Bunn 51; Joe Ct & Bld M Edwards 21; Fordy Ct T Pearce (wkt) Bld J Simon 50; John Bld M Brock 0; Andy Bld J Simon 0; Billy Ct J Simon (if so I don't remember it but it's possible as I don't remember much - Ed.) Bld M Brock 8; Bryan Not Out 0; Frank Not Out 18. TOTAL 297-9 40 OVERS.
Fall: 111, 120, 142, 201, 269, 270, 270, 275, 279
TWCC BOWLING: M Edwards 8-1-60-1; P Steinke 8-0-33-0; M Brock 8-0-46-2; J Panther 3-0-31-0; E Bunn 4-0-38-3; J Simon 6-1-47-3 (inc hat-trick); P Chatfield 2-0-20-0; H Karvay 1-0-13-0.
TWCC INNINGS: M Pearce Stumped Bld Kelly 2; M Edwards Bld Franklin 65; T Pearce Bld A Kelly 19; J Simon Hit Wicket Bld Saul 17; R Brock Stumped, Bld B Kelly 31; P Chatfield Ct, Bld Saul 4; E Bunn LBW Bld Noyce 6; J Panther Bld Regan 6; H Karvay Ct, Bld Regan 6; M Brock Ct, Bld Regan 0; P Steinke Not Out 2; TOTAL 181 ALL OUT, 38.1 OVERS.
PIMPERNE WON BY 115 RUNS
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TWCC visit Wales again!
Extraordinary isn't it?
Tour report Richard Brock
Cloudy skies gathered over Twineham as the TWCC touring
squad gathered after lunch, later than is normal, for their tour. Bad news greeted us as we attempted to pile
10 sets of cricket bags, golf clubs and cases into two unhappy cars. The 20/20 match vs Monmouth that evening was
already off. It was a shame: it sounded like a fine ground and there was
even talk that they had an overseas player ready to break our is. But tour organiser Steve Rogers had already
moved swiftly to address the disappointment:
he’d booked go karting in Bristol for late afternoon. So with vigour renewed we set off for what
should have been a straightforward journey westwards. Unfortunately between `the south east` and
`the west` is the M25: and as we stood
parked on it, it became clear we weren’t going to make our Grand Prix start
time. But Steve put it back to give us
an extra hour, which in the event we needed.
Richard’s car made it quite comfortably, but Tony went overland and
arrived with one minute to spare. But
what fun followed!
We were all dressed up in racing overalls and helmets: and as we took to our 160cc machines for 15
minutes of speed laps, the excitement factor was brilliant. As confidence grew, we started throwing the
karts in and out of the corner, with Mikey regularly being black flagged for
rule contravention. Honse was clearly
the master of the kart and it was he who was on pole position for the 15 minute
grand prix. After an hour’s wait, the
grand prix roared off.
An early pile-up
put paid to Honse and Richard’s hopes, and Mikey continued his succession of
black flags: The experienced Dave Rogers
proved impassable, many tussles were fought and various smaller pile ups
eventually allowed Joe to power to victory and was he who stood on the podium
later to accept his trophy.
We departed for Wales (the long way via the wrong bridge) with both drivers occasionally forgetting they were now on a motorway and not still the racetrack – and made it to Monmouth, a pleasant town with our hotel very central. There may have been no one on reception to greet us, but attached to the hotel was a large pub, which it turns out was `the` place to be seen in Monmouth. Thus just minutes after checking in, we were heading that way (apart from the lads who were primping and one in particular who was checking on his fake tan). It was in the bar that we met up with Steve Taylor and his son James, both affiliated TWCC-ites for the weekend. Barely a couple of pints had passed our lips before we went in search of curry and feasted in an `out of the way, over the bridge` curry house which served fine food and excellent beer. We returned content to the same pub.
The evenings of course bring our boys out to play. While the older club members (Gracious Intelligent Talented Sportsmen) happily stood supping on the remarkably cheap pints of real ale (£1.65) the youngsters grabbed their lager and launched into the ever filling pub like sharks in a tuna net. They swam in and out of the shapely specimens eyes agog, before choosing one and pouncing. Mikey’s desire for a rather quick meal proved his downfall whilst Joe, battling on in spite of the ogling of the old gits, was finally defeated when the call of `taxi` beckoned his young lady away. Matt and Honse tried their luck but time eventually ran out and the human contents of the pub were expelled en masse into the street outside. Suddenly, Joe was in his element. Within seconds he fell in with, then proceeded to lead, a gang of local football fans and succeeded in launching into a series of football type chants with fake tans as their theme and the hapless Mikey as their target. He followed this up by twirling one young lady(?) around the street upside down on his shoulder. His coup de grace was delivered a few minutes later out of his bedroom window, but we’ll leave that there! Thus did the evening draw to a close, save for a curious late night incident when Mikey and Joe were awakened for their drunken slumber by the hotel manager insisting they weren’t actually booked in. For once, Mikey’s terse response was more than justified.
The following morning we were up early for golf and what a beautiful course. Monmouth Golf Club was as pretty on the eye as the waitress who served us afterwards, though not quite as flirtatiously self aware. Jim beat everyone in mostly warm and pleasant weather, Joe second and Richard third. We drove from there to Chepstow to check in at our next hotel on our two centre tour – and straight from there to Tintern’s smallest and most expensive brewery. Now for the record, TWCC tours have a healthy tradition of supporting local brewers and pubs, frequently with unrestrained bon viveur. This was arranged as a brewery tour, a tasting session of the beers and a hearty meal. The `tour` turned out to be a Q and A session between a rampantly enthusiastic Jim and an overwhelmed young man in wellies, in a shed with no beer. The free tasting passed most by with the brewers seemingly happier to sell their brews to us instead. And the meal was a plate of stew and mash served from the family pot. It’s fair to say that the children of the brewers` family enjoyed it more than a number of tourists, and they didn’t have to pay £12.50 for it!
Back at Chepstow some napped in bed, some napped at the bookies courtesy of Joe’s 11/2 tip but all met in the hotel bar in the early evening. Chepstow was clearly the place to be: each pub had an average of 5 doormen and even the entrance to a shop advertising `Cream Teas` had a squad of 3 doormen! The photo would have been priceless, save perhaps the price of a `bouncered` camera. We made it past the age checks into a pub alive with music, colour and probably Wales`s widest selection incredibly ugly women. Even cheap beer did nothing to accentuate the scenery as with each swish of the door came tumbling in another selection of ageing Welsh fun-seekers, dressed as lambs but with faces resembling rear end joints of mutton. More extraordinary were the gents where two enterprising black guys had set up shop selling a quick spray of aftershave for £1. Surely none of our group would fall for that, would they Matt? The pub proved schismatic – the old gits headed back to the hotel for poker, leaving the young guns and Phil to the mercy of the ugly sisters (and their cousins, nieces, mothers, many overlapping). Jim decided to watch the poker but not to play – but caught the bug and so it was that at 1am, t`was he who battered Honse to scoop the jackpot. By this time of course, the boys were already shaking their stuff in Aura, Chepstow’s finest (and only) nightclub. Mikey got knocked back by not one but 5 girls and his petulant response to ban them all from every nightclub in Brighton – because he has the power - made for interesting conversation the following morning. Matt’s `Sussex cricketer on tour` approach (circa 2010) drew interest but nothing more. But Joe `pulled`. When this was trumpeted at breakfast, the conversation could find no consensus on what `pulled` means. Various definitions were suggested, as regular tourists will be able to imagine, and there was general agreement that even with the most generous terms available, Joe had probably not `pulled`!
A quiet morning of tennis or coffee or hangover followed and
by midday we were heading for Tintern to at last enjoy some cricket.
The sun shone, Tintern’s ancient abbey pulled
in the visitors and we had a pre-match pint at the Anchor, where they still
remember Edward’s six that cleared the roof
(actually Edward, no they don’t, especially since you let us down late
on this tour!).
...and for those who can't get enough touring:
TWCC Tour to Dorchester
16th-19th July 2010
Tour Report Richard Brock and A. Local
After a fallow year, Twineham and Wineham’s finest once again gathered at The Castle early on a Friday morning for a team tour. This time Dorset was our destination, it’s county town of Dorchester to be more precise. A slightly later summer date enabled the Hickstead workers to come – though Edward opted out as usual. It was also disappointing that the ever present Dave Jones was unavailable due to his leg – good luck with that Dave, your spot at the card table will be waiting next year. We set off at 9.30 in three cars: Tony, Jim and Steve driving. A curious diversion by Steve enabled us to see plenty of the Sussex countryside around Arundel and we were in no great hurry anyway! As the speed merchants zoomed past Southampton, leaving Jim with a face full of exhaust fumes, they pulled in to a Costa Coffee at the motorway services and phoned Jim to tell him where they were: only to discover he’d already passed them and it! So the eventual meeting of the squad took place in the sleepy village of Martinstown which is approached either via a rather normal `A` road (Jim) or via a steep, narrow and windy farm track whereby you force a woman driver to reverse dangerously onto aforementioned `A` road (Steve). Hence Jim and his crew were not merely at the pub, but at the pub, fed and watered: and it was with great delight that we also greeted our Northern-Welsh colleague Steve `Wide Boyo` Taylor. The `Blue Vinnie` cheese baguettes went down exceedingly well, as did the `Piddle` beer – and an hour later we set off back down the farm track which actually led to the cricket ground of Martinstown.
How lovely the ground
MARTINSTOWN v TWCC 16TH July 2010
Martinstown CC is set in a bowl, reclaimed from farmland just ten years earlier and as such, they are still using an artificial wicket. The pavilion is very smart – certainly compared with what we are used to – and the welcome warm and genuine. They had done well to find enough players to play cricket on a Friday afternoon. In touring tradition the travelling team were offered the choice whether to bat or bowl and Richard opted for the more cowardly approach of a bowl. As per usual he hadn’t completely understood the rules, other than that it was definitely a timed match of some duration. Twineham’s opening pair of Matt and Jim, still stung by the criticism in the previous week’s match report – and team members did not allow this report to go unmentioned for more than 2 minutes throughout most of the day – bowled a fine opening spell which was energetic and fruitful. The first wicket of the tour was a beautiful classic slip catch by Tony from a fine off cutter from Matt. Great cricket. Steve Taylor caught the second opener from Matt’s bowling and by the end of their 15 overs, things looked rosy with the home side struggling to get away boundaries. (please note: this is not written generously to make up for previous excesses, this was a very good spell of bowling by both!) (Sounds like a guilty conscience to the Ed.) A good stand by their 3 and 4 put us on the back foot until reminded us again, as he does each tour, that Wales’s gain is our loss as he ripped out their middle order with 3 wickets. The further the innings went on, the younger, it seemed, our opponents were: but even so, good disciplined cricket meant we kept the score down to just 141-8 with just half an hour left: when time was called! Well that settled the rules and gave TWCC a winnable target. After an excellent tea served in the pretty clubhouse, we got to work: well, Steve and Jonathan did.
Steve, having strayed into an under 13 game, manages to keep his end up
Their opening stand took them past 50 before Steve was given out to LBW for 29.
Jonathan also denies the youthful attack
Below: not much concern - or interest - on the bench
Tony came in in determined style, and started knocking sixes around (unfortunately, thanks to his son who copied over the scorebook – or parts of it – we have no detail of this innings and precious little detail at all!!!) Anyway, from memory, Jonathan was caught for 34, and while the rest of the middle order saw fit to have a mini collapse, it couldn’t prevent us from clocking up a good win with overs to spare.
Scorecard: TWCC Vs MARTINSTOWN 16TH JULY 2010 Martinstown were asked to bat.
Martinstown Innings: E Nichols Ct T Pearce, Bld M Steinke 9; Chase Ct S Taylor, Bld M Steinke 1; Lewis Ct J Simon, Bld Taylor 43; House Ct H Karvay, Bld Taylor 31; Moss Ct J Rowland, Bld Taylor 10; Wylie Ct J Simon, Bld R Brock 5; Rimmer St S Rogers, Bld M Pearce 18; Wylie not out 5; Wylie Ct J Rowland, Bld R Brock 5; Folland not out 2.
TOTAL 141-8 (35 overs)
TWCC Bowling: M Steinke 8-2-23-2; J Simon 7-1-26-0; S Taylor 8-0-33-3; M Pearce 2-0-20-1; P Steinke 6-1-14-0; R Brock 4-0-17-2.
TWCC Innings: S Rogers LBW Wylie 29; J Rowland Ct Chase, B Wylie 34; T Pearce not out 56; M Pearce Ct House, B Wylie 2; J Simon Bld Wylie 0; S Taylor B Rimmer 1; M Steinke not out 7. Total 142-5 (34.4 overs)
DNB: H Karvay, D Rogers, P Steinke, R Brock.
Martinstown Bowling: Wylie 4.4-0-18-0; Clarke 5-0-25-0; Folland 6-2-15-0; Wylie 9-0-60-4; Rimmer 6-1-16-1; Wylie 2-0-3-0.
TWCC won by 5 wickets.
So with a spring in our step we headed to the very place we’d left a few hours earlier to enjoy a few more pints of Piddle and watch some golf on the pub’s TV. Though he supplied us with plates of chips, it became increasingly clear that the landlord was becoming a little perturbed by having so many people in his pub wanting to drink his beer so we said our goodbyes to the players of Martinstown, a good bunch, and headed towards Dorchester by the longest route Steve could navigate. Dorchester High Street is very pleasant and seemed rather tranquil – a good place for a cricket tour, but Ibiza it’s not! Still, at least the youngsters couldn’t get into mischief......
We checked into the hotel, the Wessex, and after the usual confusion and kerfuffle, the patient, efficient and not unattractive Maria, on reception, simply let us sort ourselves out and gave us keys to four rooms, one of which, the Pearce’s, would double up as the poker room. The threat of two or more players sharing a double bed was avoided for at least the first night and it wasn’t long before arrangements were made to meet in the local pub, 50 yards down the road. Beers were had and the fines committee met. A number of dropped catches were punished, slovenly fielding (Pearce jnr), showy batting (Pearce snr), Welshness!!! And so it was that just an hour or so later we trooped into the local curry house and enjoyed a good meal where we were actually outdone in loudness by the awards night of the football club on the table next to us. Undaunted, we drank more and then tried and failed to remember the rules of `Hoedown Haybarn`. Who ya gonna call? Dave Jones! A drunken call woke up our absent former skipper and previously ever present tourist, whose opening line was `I wondered when you would call`. He added enough meat onto the bones of the rules for us to have a reasonable attempt at it, but it was short lived and we decided that we could probably drink more than enough without it. Forlorn efforts were made by Honse and Matt to attract the attention of the two young women at a neighbouring table but to no avail: there was to be no totty this weekend! We headed back to the pub which by this time had a band playing heavy metal with a poor but charismatic singer backed up by good guitars and drums. Soon he had Mikey and Phil eating out of his hand: Mikey was strutting around the dance floor trying to impress an extremely beautiful blonde girl with his plastic guitar (you can guess just how impressed she was): whilst Phil became no 1 groupie, imploring the band to play Deep Purple for a good half an hour after their set had finished. With the night done, we headed back to the hotel where even the most hard bitten tourists admitted they were knackered and headed to bed with no cards, a tour first!!
However.....what happened next can only be relayed by word of mouth and the recollections of some of those involved. It will therefore be related in the third person, and the person we have chosen is a Dorsetshire bystander, who fortunately was present that evening.
`I spied `em I did: them kids, the youngsters. Them didn’t go to bed, oh no. Them’s went back t’pub, lookin’ for that blonde bit. You’m don wanna be `ere, I told `em, geh down Bar Rouge if it’s stuff yer aaaarfter. And them did. The tall one, Matt `e said `is name is, the little breakdancing one and the boy – with the stoopid `air. And they went there but it waaaaaas all but emtee. But two of `em started chaattin` to a couple of right pieces they did. And gettin’ on right well they was too by the looks of it. `ow’s that then, I wondered? So I listened in I did: the little `airy one was saying “we’re cricketers, we play for Sussex, we travel all over the country staying in different hotels , it’s a great life”. The big lad `e says “yeah all my Sussex gear is back in the hotel” - and blow me if `is bit didn’t offer to go back to `is room and look at his martletts!!! But next thing their friends dragged `em orf `ome – so these two lads moved on didn’t they. Next pair of girls got chat up lines involving bloody `arry Potter` - seems the little one is best mates with that Denzel Radcliffe and played a starring role in all the films. `is girl told him “yeah, I’ve seen you” so she did!! And by the time he told `er `e was an England U19 innernational, she stuck `er tongue in his `ed she did. Which is nuffing on where he shoved `is hand, no nuffin` at all. Then it was all about to go pear shaped cos this bunch of old duffers come in they did. Turns out them’s called Dave, Steve and Phil and them’s couldn’t not sleep. Quick thinkin` by the boy - `e turns round and says “oh look, our cricket coaches have arrived”. So convinced is these wimmin that they gives the boys cokes and teks away their beer, so the coaches won’t bollock `em. And the ol` boys play a blinder – “yeah, we’re their coaches” they sez “we’ve just come out to keep an eye on `em, make sure they’re fit and ready for the match tomorrow”. Well it got a bit difficult to foller after tha`: but I did see the big lad dragged out by `is bit, who says she’s a doctor, of all things! She slams him up against the wall of an alley loik a police raid – but it turns out she was the one looki` for a truncheon, if yer foller??? Damn near sucked `is face off too. Tell yer wha`, my doctor’s never done that to me, never I tells yer. Af’e,r these birds fly orf, little one runs up the road and finds the dancing boy and shouts at the top of `is voice something about his fingers – he’s an England spin bowler so tha’s what it must be about. Anyway, them boys heads back to the `otel `bout 4.30 in mawning, well `appy".
Many thanks to Tarm Shagworthee for that insight. Perhaps just as remarkable is that having got in so late, young Mikey managed to get up again at 6am. One tip: Mikey, if you’re going to projectile vomit into the toilet from 5 yards away, make sure the bathroom door is open first, or it will go all over the bedroom carpet and your father will make you clear it up, Superstud or not!
So it was that there were plenty of tales to tell at breakfast the following morning, and remarkably, all three of the adventurers were there to tell us, the waitresses, the numerous other guests having breakfast etc. After breakfast, half went to play tennis, the rest `chilled` or went back to bed. It was a lovely warm morning and the tennis was particularly enjoyable for Richard who won all matches and all cash. A quick visit to a betting shop where Tony rescued us with a last minute winning greyhound tip @5-1 and at 1.15 we were on the way to Charlton Down, just 5 miles out of Dorchester.
TWCC at its best - well as best as might be expected on the second day...
Back Row: Steve Taylor, Phil Steinke, Mikey Pearce, Matt Steinke.
Middle Loner: Jim Simon making the place look untidy.
Second Row: Honse Karvay, Steve Rogers, Tony Pearce.
Front Row: Dave Rogers, Jonathan Rowland, Richard Brock.
CHARLTON DOWN v TWCC 17th JULY 2010
Similar to the ground the previous day, it was a bowl, with banks leading down to the playing area. Again it was an artificial but we’re not too bothered by them, how can we be? Again, politely, we were offered a choice rather than toss a coin: and this time, armed with information that we would probably be stronger than our opponents, Richard opted to bat in what he was allowed to choose would be a 40 overs game. The order was changed to ensure that everyone who toured got at least 1 bat during the two games so Dave Rogers and the in form Jonathan opened for us. Dave looked comfortable enough but was stumped racing down the ground on just 3: which brought in the skipper. The opening bowlers were of a good standard and best kept out: so progress was slow and steady. However, when the slow bowlers came on, the batsmen needed to move on and they didn’t! 20 overs came up with just 67 on the board. Richard decided to do just what was required: a big swing, miss and out. That allowed Tony in, and he made a ridiculously swashbuckling 58 including 3 sixes and at the same time spurring on Jonathan to greater adventure. The two of them put on 101 in just 10 overs before Tony was finally caught with the score on 178. Honse got his bat, starting off with a nice 4 and Jim came in at the end with a lively 20 so we finished on a mighty 231 -6 from our 40 overs. Tea was superb, and we sat out in the sun thoroughly enjoying the state of the match. It felt safe but until the reply starts, you can never be sure. In truth though, it didn’t take long. Their first ten overs brought 14 runs and they were 7 down for 42. Jim bowled three good balls: before tweaking a muscle and joining Jonathan for an unintendedly comical performance in the slips, during which the pair of them would fall over stiffly each time the ball headed their way. However, Jim did pull off one excellent diving catch before landing in an agonised heap with Jonathan limping to him in congratulation. Some unusual bowling combinations were tried: Tony and Dave Rogers turned their arm, when were they last used together in a match? Anyway the wickets continued to fall with the exception of their captain Sid, who determinedly used his luck, guile and threatening behaviour to other batsmen to still be there on 88, heading for his maiden century when Phil clean bowled the number 11 and TWCC literally limped to a comfortable victory.
Scorecard: CHARLTON DOWN v TWCC 17TH JULY 2010 40 OVERS MATCH
TWCC chose to bat.
TWCC Innings: D Rogers St, Bld Benn 3; J Rowland Retired hurt 74; R Brock Bld Benn 24; T Pearce Ct, Bld Duncan 58; H Karvay Bld Duncan 8; J Simon Bld Lovell 20; S Rogers St, Bld Lovell 4; M Steinke not out 1;
TOTAL 231-6 (40 overs)
Fall: 17-1, 71-3, 178-4, 197-2, 201-5, 230-7, 231-8
DNB: M Pearce, P Steinke, S Taylor.
Charlton Down Bowling: Homewood 8-2-24-0; Lowther 8-0-46-0; M Benn 8-1-28-2; M Lovell 8-0-38-2; S Dunford 8-0-73-2.
Charlton Down Innings: M Venn Ct J Rowland, B M Steinke 0; Chase Ct ???? B H Karvay 8; Joy LBW Bld M Steinke 3; S Dunford not out 88; J Garrett Ct, J Simon B Karvay 2; J Clancy Bld M Pearce 0; M Howard Bld P Steinke 3; J Ochler Bld P Steinke 0; Wylie Ct H Karvay, Bld T Pearce 17; P Spurr run out 0; M Lowther Bld P Steinke 20.
TOTAL 154 all out (37.4 overs)
TWCC Bowling: M Steinke ;6-3-14-2; J Simon .3-0-0-0; T Pearce 5.3-0-23-1; R Brock 5-2-20-0; P Steinke 8-0-17-3; H Karvay 2-0-5-2; M Pearce 5-0-34-1; D Rogers 1-0-12-0.
Fall: 4-1, 10-3, 23-2, 26-5, 37-6, 42-7, 42-8, 85-9, 90-10.
TWCC won by 77 runs
At the conclusion to the match, we stayed to enjoy a beer at the club which was blessed with its own bar. They fired up the barbeque and as the burgers started to sizzle, a few local boys invaded the outfield to play headers and volleys. Well it had to be done didn’t it? “Fancy a game lads, you lot against a few of us old gits?” The gauntlet was picked up and minutes later, approximately 9 or 10 cricketers faced around 13-14 lads, variously aged between 11-16. Cricket pads as goalposts, Spain vs England. Among those turning out for the cricketers were Tony, Mikey, Steve, Honse, Matt, Richard, Steve Taylor and Sid the Charlton Down skipper. What most expected to be gentle ten minute encounter turned into a full pelt, high energy affair that went on for fully 45 minutes. By that time, the cricketers were 7-2 up, but the longer the game went on, the fewer the number of cricketers on the pitch: whilst the boys benefitted from word of mouth which had swept the nearby housing estate and brought out approximately 8 extra lads. So `next goal’s the winner` was called: and an epic battle ensued, chances both ends with Honse superb in goal. But finally, as another couple of cricketers limped off, the lads surged through and with Honse facing approximately 6 strikers with the defence in tatters, they forced the ball home.
"Ooh! My hangover!" (Not that there was one - at this point in the day - Ed)
Not much to do for Honse... The surprise runaway scoring was happening at the other end.
GOALS!!! Some of them anyway.
Haven for the injured and sensible - and, probably, the ones who don't dance at parties.
Or, in the case of the photographer, don't go to parties. Well - don't go and are not invited.
And; the Tony Shimmy! Look at this!
Look at him go! A feint to the right, and a quick switch to the left. It left the opposition nowhere!
A great end to the day, the lads were invited over to hoover up the sandwiches whilst we finished off the burgers, washed down with beer.
Jim then left for Sussex, and Steve back across the border, whilst the rest headed back to the hotel: and it was straight into the poker room: hot favourites were Honse, a tournament winner and card shark, Tony – just cos he’s Tony - and Mikey because he believes he’s good at everything and anyway, he plays poker on the internet in between the porn. Play got underway at 10.30pm: there were rivers and big and small things and it was all very professional with chips etc. Predictably Richard was first out, followed surprisingly, by Tony, who took his defeat well by stripping off and going to bed in the room. There followed a lengthy – no a very lengthy – battle royale in which each one took their turn to go to the brink of bankruptcy. Finally, more than 3 hours later, Dave, Jonathan and Steve had fallen by the wayside: and Mikey and Honse agreed that rather than battle it out, they’d split the winnings. The school finally broke up at around 3am, Matt, Honse and Richard headed for Bar Rouge but with far less exciting results than the previous night before being shouted at at 5am by an irate guest for chatting too loudly outside the hotel.
The following morning, half the party went golfing: Steve, Honse, Dave and Phil. A fine time was had apparently, with Steve taking the top spot. They headed to the pub afterwards and eventually arrived back at about 7.30pm. The other wimps had already returned home in the morning, to get in their wives’ good books! It was an excellent tour, really really enjoyable, the first time in living memory that TWCC tourists have won all (both) their tour matches. Many congratulations and thanks to Steve for organising it so brilliantly and well done for all those players who came along, I’m sure everyone had a superb time.
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